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I started dating someone new in late 2022, kicking off an unprecedented period of romantic attention for me (the likes of which I hadn't had in a while). So I started tracking how often we were romantic with each other, which includes but is not limited to: sex, dates, special occasions of gift giving, and other forms of intimacy.  

The lowest romance weeks were towards the end of the year. This may have been due to travel, but also due to the stress of end of the year wrap up and feeling like my head was in ten places at once. 


There were a few peak romance weeks, in which we were romancing at least 5 days a week. The biggest was in July, during a week when we were traveling together. One (perhaps unsurprising) effect of so much getting down is that most of my other activities (exercising, writing, other activities) were lower than at any other time during the year (whoops). It turns out romantic attention takes up a lot more brain power and time than I had previously thought. 


Let's Leave the House

When you first start seeing someone, all you want to do is spend time with them.   Their presence generates chemicals that make the ordinary seem extraordinary. But at some point, you can have too much of a good thing, especially when you live together.  There are a lot of benefits to just getting out of the house by yourself. Maybe you take a 10 mile bike ride in the rain, get a burrito, or just do a little crime for excitement.  When you come home, you'll appreciate it (and them) a lot more. Similarly, its also great to stay home when the other person goes out.  There's a lot of solo and slightly anti-social things (like talking loudly to yourself, shuffling around in a dirty bathrobe, and picking your nose) that you are now at liberty to do for hours at a time. 



Block Me Up

When you first start dating someone, part of the appeal is what you haven't done yet. This includes things you imagine you could do that are really fun (trips, art, and romantic stuff) and you haven't yet learned you won't, as well as things you will end up doing together (fixing a tire, figuring out bills, cooking for family) that are sometimes tedious by nature. If you can't handle the tedious or tough stuff with grace, the fights you have in the process will linger in the background, ghosts of disarray in the romance machine. I think its possible to keep re-imagining space with someone, but if you don't clear out the crap, your head will hit the ceiling. Game Over. 


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