Future
I like to think of myself as a planner. The majority of my planning processes involve sketching timelines in my notebook and daydreaming about the many mutually exclusive futures I could have. As far as this tracker goes, I gave myself credit every time I did something kinda responsible that I needed to do to prepare for something in my immediate future.
The beginning of the year had more activity than the end. I had a pretty hot week in March. This was the week I started a new job and was hustling to finish the paperwork. I also helped a friend move, started spending more time with my boyfriends daughter (micro-dosing step-parenting) and did a bunch of research on work-related items.
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There were several weeks with a score of absolute zero: the second week of March, the week of my birthday in May, and one-off weeks in August, September, and December. I think maybe sometimes you just need a break from thinking about You for later to focus on You for now.
Making Moves
I've always believed that moving slowly and intentionally and taking your time yields good results. In general, its good to try, I suppose. But how much? In my monthly dance class, I flail around semi-rhythmically, enjoying the feeling of moving my muscles but knowing I'm not accumulating too many usable moves. I have to have a few things that are happily going nowhere, safely occupying the space where low effort and slow movement coexist.
Changing the Pie
Certain aspects of my life seem to remain radically consistent, even at totally different stages of life. There is generally always a big institutional thing that I need to be doing to survive that takes most of my time. Beyond this is the additional heavy load of social attentiveness, the need to appear compliant and normal that adds work beyond the work. I spent my remaining hours solo contemplation of self or nature, moving through different activities that kinda center me. That being said, I feel like I can ask more of the future.
